The most wonderful time of year often brings unwelcome
guests — stress, anxiety, depression and weight gain. It’s not surprising. We live in a time where everything moves at a
fast pace – internet, cell phones, fast food, even our relationships with
others is moving at the speed of light.
It is no wonder our holidays present a dizzying array of fast pace demands
— parties, shopping, baking, cleaning and entertaining. What about the personal expectations we place
upon ourselves to do it all? For anyone
who saw Christmas Vacation with Chevy Chase, his character Clark Griswold was
funny and likeable. As much as we
laughed at Clark a lot of us could relate to his frustration over trying to
create the perfect Christmas while your Christmas tree is burning up in the living
room.
The first Christmas I owned my home I wanted to run
around with a chain saw just like Clark.
My bathroom toilet was plugged and the shower curtain was in shreds on
the bathroom floor, my entire kitchen had been rearranged by a well-meaning
relative, my beautiful Christmas towel decorations that I had arranged just
like Martha Stewart demonstrated on TV were bunched up wet on the floor and my
Christmas wreath had been knocked off the front door so many times there were
no more berries left on it, my dog had a broken foot when a clumsy relative
stepped on it, there were not enough beds for everyone to sleep in and the air
mattress pump was not working, and the straw that broke the camel’s back for me
was when my elves that belonged to my Grandmother started on fire in my dining
room and I was told there was no fire, someone burnt toast – all the while
flames shot out of my dining room chandelier.
Did I handle it well? Absolutely
not. I opened my front door and told my
family to leave? Needless to say nobody
left. Like Clark Griswold I found a way
to salvage the Christmas and over the years we laugh about the first family
Christmas in North Carolina.
Every detail about my first Christmas in my first house is true. I wanted the perfect Christmas. I wanted to show my family a perfect
Christmas, one they would never forget?
I did manage to accomplish that – no one has ever forgotten that
Christmas. Of course, they never use the
word perfect when they talk about it.
They use words like “the Christmas Lisa went over the deep end” or
“Remember when Mom threw everyone out of the house”, never have I heard the
word perfect to describe that Christmas.
The holidays were never intended for us to end up like
Clark Griswold, a maniac on Christmas Eve with a chainsaw or like me telling
relatives from out-of-town to get out of my house. That was never the intention of the holiday
season. I believe everyone can have “Merry
Christmas” without stress, anxiety, depression and destruction by following a
few simple steps.
NO
EXCUSES
How many of you start skipping your normal routine
somewhere around the second or third week in November? Be honest?
I don’t have time to do my normal activities because I have to start
shopping, baking, cleaning, or whatever else you feel needs to be done to
create the perfect holiday. If you begin
to do that during the holiday season you are taking your first step to becoming
a maniac with a chainsaw on Christmas Eve.
Instead …..
Stay on your daily routine as much as possible. This time of year gives us lots of excuses
not to take our daily walk, attend our book club meeting, take a spin class, or
just sit down and read a book. Make it a
point to stick to one part of your daily routine every day during the holiday
season or try modifying it. If you don’t
have time to take your normal daily walk then shorten the walk or if you can’t
make your book club meeting every week during the 6 to 8 weeks (depending on
when you start feeling the holiday season start) then aim for making it to at
least half of the meetings. Not only
will you feel less stressed during the holidays if you stay on your daily
routine as much as possible --- it will be a lot easier to get back on track
once the holidays are over.
You
Are Not a Super Hero
This is supposed to be the most wonderful time of the
year …. That means you are supposed to be enjoying yourself not running at the
speed of light with the Marvel comic book characters. You do not have to bake enough cookies to
feed a platoon of marines, attend every party you are invited too, buy more
than you can afford, decorate your house to rival Macy’s department store, send
Christmas cards to everyone you ever met, and cook elaborate meals. No wonder you start dreading Christmas before
the trick n’ treater’s ring the doorbell on Halloween.
Who made the rule you have to do it all to have a nice
Christmas? Where is the cosmic rule book that states that? When did stressing yourself out equal
fun. It obviously didn’t work for me
when I was creating the perfect Christmas.
THE
RULE OF TWO
Instead of doing things that stress you out choose two
things you really love. Maybe you love
to bake and decorate, but you hate cooking elaborate meals. That is something I can relate to. Do you have a relative or friend that likes
to cook and not bake? My brother detests
baking and decorating. He loves to
cook. My brother does the cooking and I
do the baking. We split it up so we each
are doing something we like and not viewing it as a chore.
You don’t have to go to every party you are invited
too. There is no rule book that states
it is mandatory for you to attend every Christmas party. Pick your top two important ones – say no to
the rest. Take that time for
yourself. When the long winter months in
January and February come along use those months to see the people whose party
you missed. Cramming everyone in one
month is insane. How about spreading it
out throughout the entire year? December
is not the only month to get together with people you never see. Here is another thing to consider … why are
you only seeing people a certain time of year?
If you do not like to spend time with them during the year why force
yourself to go to a party with them. If
you feel yourself start to feel guilty saying no to Christmas parties remember
you can’t enjoy the holidays and take care of your family – if you do not take
a few minutes for yourself.
Only
God is perfect
It’s not about being perfect – I wanted to have a Martha
Stewart Christmas when I owned my first house.
Instead it turned out more like Griswold’s Family Christmas. The holidays don't have to be perfect or just
like last year. As families change and grow, traditions and rituals often
change as well. Choose a few to hold on to, and be open to creating new ones.
The key to low stress is to plan yet remain
flexible. Set aside specific days for
shopping, baking, visiting friends and other activities. Plan your menus and
then make your shopping list. That will help prevent last-minute scrambling to
buy forgotten ingredients. And make sure to line up help for party prep and
cleanup. More important than planning
ahead is remaining flexible if the best laid plans fall apart.
So you didn’t decorate every room in your house including
the bathroom or send out any Christmas cards this year? The world is not going to end. I will bet if you take the time you saved
not sending Christmas cards or decorating every room to spend with your family
relaxing and laughing will be remembered more than any card you ever sent or
any room you decorated. It’s not about
being perfect. It’s about spending time
with the ones you love.
Cousin
Eddie Syndrome
Just like Clark Griswold we all have a “cousin Eddie”
some of us have more than one. They can
be very difficult people to get along with and try our patience. You don’t have to give them the power to ruin
your Christmas. Clark had the right idea
when dealing with Eddie, he accepted Eddie as he was and made the best of a
difficult situation. Try to accept
family members and friends as they are, even if they don't live up to all of
your expectations. Set aside grievances until a more appropriate time for
discussion. Christmas is not the time to discuss who got what in Aunt Edna’s
will or why doesn’t Uncle Jack’s family ever have a Christmas at their
house. Try to be understanding if others
get upset or distressed when something goes awry. Chances are they're feeling
the effects of holiday stress and depression, too.
Don’t
Create Your Own National Debt!
No one can forget in Christmas Vacation when Clark finds
out he is not getting a monetary bonus, instead he is enrolled in the “jelly of
the month” club. Clark could have
avoided his melt down had he made out a budget instead of spending money he
didn’t have.
Before you go gift and food shopping, decide how much
money you can afford to spend. Then stick to your budget. Don't try to buy
happiness with a bunch of gifts. We live in a world where we love things more
than we love people. As much as we try
to say different our actions prove otherwise.
I am just as guilty.
For years I have been left with a credit card bill every
January that made my eyes bleed. As luck
would have it I would always have it paid off the following October only to run
it back up again in December buying Christmas gifts. I have found that the dolls, cd’s, and video
games I bought my children don’t mean half as much as me taking the time to
spend with them. How many times has
someone you loved passed and you thought I wished I would spent more time with
them? After my Grandfather died, my Father was heard saying, “I wished I would
have went golfing with him more” The gift of your time won’t put you into
financial debt; however, it is the most precious gift you can give.
Before you blow your budget try these alternatives: If
you have children try the three gift rule – the wise men brought Jesus three
gifts for his birth. Explain that is
how you are going celebrate your Christmas.
Then after they open their presents on Christmas morning – rather than
being grateful they are occupied with new toys actually get on the floor and
play with those with them. For extended
family try a family gift exchange or secret Santa gift exchange – it’s not
about the gift you receive but the fun you have at the exchange, and most
importantly give the gift of your time.
The best memories in the world are not old presents – they are moments
you spent with the people you love.
There
is No Law that States You Have to Feel Happy!
The happiest time of year. Everyone is filled with joy,
right? Wrong. Did you know that more people are depressed during the Christmas
season than any other time of the year? Do find yourself feeling anxious and
alone like the Grinch? If so, you are not alone.
If someone close to you has recently died or you can't be
with loved ones, realize that it's normal to feel sadness and grief. It's OK to
take time to cry or express your feelings. You can't force yourself to be happy
just because it's the holiday season.
Reach out. If you feel lonely or isolated, seek out
community, religious or other social events. They can offer support and
companionship. Volunteering your time to help others also is a good way to lift
your spirits and broaden your friendships.
Seek professional help if you need it. Despite your best
efforts, you may find yourself feeling persistently sad or anxious, plagued by
physical complaints, unable to sleep, irritable and hopeless, and unable to
face routine chores. If these feelings last for a while, talk to your doctor or
a mental health
professional.
There
is Always Humor if You’re Open to it Rule!
Laugh! NO matter
how outlandish the situation LAUGH!
Clark Griswold in Christmas Vacation was a great example of this. Remember the scene when Clark cuts the turkey
and it is so dry there is only a *puff* of smoke! Rather than saying the turkey
is ruined …. He went with a little dry and laughed.
Short-Term
Benefits of Laughter
Stimulates Organs
Laughter
increases oxygen-rich air, stimulates your heart, lungs and muscles, and
increases the endorphins that are released by your brain.
Activate and Relieve Your Stress Response
A
good laugh fires up and cools down your stress response. The end result a relaxed feeling.
Soothe Tension
· Laughter
can also stimulate circulation and aid muscle relaxation, both of which help
reduce some of the physical symptoms of stress.
Long-Term
Benefits of Laughter
Improve Your Immune System
· Negative
thoughts manifest into chemical reactions that can affect your body by bringing
more stress into your system and decreasing your immunity. Positive thoughts
actually release neuropeptides that help fight stress and potentially
more-serious illnesses.
Relieve Pain
· Laughter
may ease pain by causing the body to produce its own natural painkillers.
Laughter may also break the pain-spasm cycle common to some muscle disorders.
Guilt
Grinch
Always take a few minutes every day for yourself. People always feel guilty about taking care
of themselves especially during the holidays.
They feel they should be doing this Aunt Edna or running Uncle Jack here
or doing that for kids, school, work, church and the list could go on --- we
never feel we should do anything that takes care of us. We have been taught it’s selfish to do things
for yourself. The truth is if we are not
in a good place how can we be in a good place to help others.
Take
control of the holidays
Clark Griswold wanted the perfect Christmas. His biggest mistake was he didn’t take
control of his situation. By taking
control I mean giving that control to fate.
He planned so much he left no room for imperfection. Don't let the holidays become something you
dread. Instead, take steps to prevent the stress and depression that can
descend during the holidays. Always
remember when unforeseen things happen to be flexible and find the humor. Learn to recognize your holiday triggers,
such as financial pressures or personal demands, so you can combat them before
they lead to a meltdown on Christmas Eve. With a little planning and some
positive thinking, you can find peace and joy during the holidays.
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